that Voice

i wrote this in Bolivia 3 years ago, it just resurfaced recently from the mass of pieces of paper that fill my life :-)

that voice

calls me from the desert

calls me from my lost wonderings

like His chosen people i circled going nowhere

until i heard that voice

that voice

Voice which speaks LIFE into being

where there was nothing .barreness.

an empty womb now holds a seed of hope

that will blossom as it bathes in the light of that voice

that voice

whispers tenderly.

carried on a breeze.

that voice
breaks with grief.
when they put their hands over their ears to block out the sound.
when they turn their backs and bury their heads in the sand.

BUT THAT VOICE WILL NOT BE SILENCED.

Hear it rage in the storms
in the pounding of hooves racing into battle to fight.

when that voice speaks for you,

who can stand against you?

that voice

roars in the waves.

sings with the stars.

who has ever heard anything more powerful,

powerful enough to shake the earth's foundations,

to drown out death itself?

yet if you listen closer,

you will hear beauty beyond description,

melodies that cut into the core of your being.

vibrations to unsettle you from the tunes you were dancing to before.

harmonies that beckon you to follow.

thirst for more of that voice.

that voice.

which articulated itself in flesh and bone.

mind.

emotion.

tangible.

man.

took the risk of being ignored.

hushed itself to humble whispers in a far flung corner of the earth.

that voice.

spoke healing.

challenged. provoked. wept. loved.

that voice

was crushed one dark day.

all creation moaned.

but on the third day

that voice

proclaimed

VICTORY.

and

that voice

is calling me

i let my love run in circles

still.joy.love.

Ah. it's good to STOP. breathe. in and out. be still. i have not done enough of that recently. i'm good at filling my time, mainly with people, which is not a bad thing, i love it. but suddenly batteries run low! still getting used to new rhythms and routines but i know i need to make sure these little spaces of quiet and the good kind of solitude don't get forgotten.

It's a chance to be reminded of things that are TRUE, the truths that i want to base my life upon, rather than getting carried away by the torrent of thoughts that fill my head, going in all directions and generally leaving me feeling confused and even more self-absorbed. Sometimes though, it's other people that remind you of truth, and lift your eyes off of your own circumstances and feelings. This week i was reminded about JOY. and how true Joy is not an emotion, is not temporary, like so much of what we surround ourselves with, but is so much deeper. and it is rooted in the One who does not change and who is always good. It is a gift and it gives us strength. and is found when we look UP even when everything else seems like it's crashing down.

and finally i'll leave you with another great quote from Bonhoeffer that i read this morning:

Love does not bear a grudge. It approaches others anew each day and with new love, and it forgets what has past. In this way it makes itself a fool and the object of people's mockery, but this does not drive it crazy - it just continues to love.

DNA

I want to get back into writing regularly, it's one of those things the longer you leave it, the harder it is. So i'm just writing and seeing what thoughts spill through my finger tips. I am pondering a little on the purpose of this blog... I'm aware all these online tools can become rather self indulgent, and also very time consuming, at least this is the case for me, so i want my reasons to be good. I'd like what I post to challenge and encourage and inspire, and on a personal level for it to be a way of practising writing and being creative.

I have just begun something called DNA, which is a 10 month .... hmmm wondering what word to use... let's just say 10 months of a mixture of learning about God, and oneself, and others, and a whole range of theological and current issues, and how they intertwine. The way this is done is through both studying and being placed in a church where you get fully involved in its life. You are there predominantly to serve, and that could mean a whole range of things both practical and spiritual. In other words it is a time of intense discipleship.

What does that mean for me? Well, I am staying in Brighton at my church - Citygate. I have started to feel really at home there, like i have space to be myself, and also that despite it not having a huge congregation, there are many many people I'd like to learn from in particular with regard to the way that they creatively love God and love Brighton in a whole variety of ways. I will be spending time helping out at the different projects that are connected to the church (more on them soon). It feels like such a privilege to be able to try out different things and work in a whole range of environments. This is just what i wanted this year so i'm very content and excited about what's to come!

made me smile over breakfast :-)

"New dancing styles should be innovated for the Olympics, but coming up from the streets. So why not replace the boring national anthems for the winners, with each champion choosing their own celebratory song and dance anthem"

(Terry Monaghan 'Grabbing chance through dance', Big Issue No. 865 p.23)

23

I'm 23 today.

wow how 22 has flown. it's been good though. really good.

:-)

"Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God,

that shall be to you better than a light

and safer than a known way"

(written on a plaque on the wall of the cathedral in Windsor Castle)

a week of firsts

first time being a bridesmaid (at Adele and Larry's wedding... probably the best one i've been to so far... SO beautiful and much dancing!)

first time to live with a family that is not my own (yesterday moved in with a family from church for the year... will be a definite change in lifestyle (it's just gone 10pm and bedtime seems quite reasonable!) but a GOOD one i'm thinking)

first time to a festival (that would be BESTIVAL, tomorrow... for which i am not packed... oops. but looking forwards to it!)

life continues at what feels like a pretty non-stop pace. many very good things, but looking forwards to things slowing down soon... i hope soon... :-)

Optimism

By nature optimism is not a view of the present situation but a living power, the power of hope where others are resigned, the power to hold ones head high when everything seems to be going wrong, the power to bear setbacks, the power never to let the future be the enemy but to lay claim to it for oneself.

Bonhoeffer

graduation...

...was a week or two ago now but thought i should say a word or two about it. ok, not should. there is no should. but wanted to. It was a nice day, but, kind of strange. because, nothing during my time at the university of sussex has ever been formal, so it seemed like a bit of a joke when all the professors paraded onto the stage in pantomime style robes. and everyone looked so clean and shiny! the other reason it felt a bit strange was that i only knew about 5 people well there. recognised quite a few and a whole load of them i'd never seen before! so it wasn't quite the teen-movie imagery of celebrating with all your friends with whom you've lived, eaten, studied, suffered, laughed and cried through the past few years. everyone either graduated last year or on a diffferent day because of being in different departments. which was a shame, really. but, it was good to hang out with my parents. and the our new chancellor is Sanjeev Bhaskar, of Kumars at 42 fame... which made it pretty funny. a relief since it lasted 3 hours!! but there we go. done and dusted. I AM NO LONGER A GRADUAND BUT A GRADUATE. SWEEEEEET